| sore de wa minasan, sayonara |
[01 Apr 2006|03:02am] |
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mood |
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“Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood.”
-Gretchen (Donnie Darko)
It really was inevitable. This life was simply not meant to work out for me. I feel like a fish who could only dream of living on dry land and breathing air. My dreams were lofty and improbable, but I could not find true happiness in any other way. Even as I dreamed, I lacked the drive to give any possibility more than a cursory attempt. And now, I've finally lost the last thing that was keeping me hanging on. My time here is done. I won't hurt anyone else anymore. this is an an automated posting, if all went well then i'm already done... So long, and thanks for all the fish.
val
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| today |
[31 Mar 2006|02:28pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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Smashing Pumpkins - Today |
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Today is the greatest
Day I’ve ever known
Can’t live for tomorrow
Tomorrow’s much too long
I'll burn my eyes out
Before I get out
I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face
Today is the greatest
Day I have ever known
Can’t wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
I’ll tear my heart out
Before I get out
Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I’ve tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings
Today is
Today is
Today is
The greatest day
That I have ever known
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you round
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you
Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
That I have ever known...
*hugs*
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| monsters |
[27 Mar 2006|03:08pm] |
and i swear there must be a chapstick eating monster in my room ; ;
i've lost like 20 chapsticks and assorted generic lip balms in the past 2 weeks.
/grumble
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| <3 |
[27 Mar 2006|03:02pm] |
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mood |
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 ditzy |
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music |
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Asian Kung Fu Generation |
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so yeah, i didn't get a chance to do the pdoc thing, but whatever; i feel fine now :) stayed up way too late corrupting sindy into the ways of computer based composition, then spent a few hours further writing new lyrics, as well as reaquainting myself with fl studio. not sure what kinda music i want to do really. but i do know i'm sick of typical electronic. i went and bought the guitar synth add-on for fl studio after playing with the demo for a bit o.O it sounds good, actually, though i'll likely be distorting most things made with it into an unrecognizable mess anyways. i don't want to do pure noise either, though. i do want melody. so... i don't know lol. i do know i have a new band name that i totally dig: Less Than Three. and you know it'll rawk :D
i don't know if i'll be working alone or with sindy or with ryan or with jimbo from paris. i kinda do want to work with someone(s) else but there would have to be some sort of synergy between us. different ideas are always nice to have and bounce around, just to see what kind of beautiful mess we could come up with. all i really ask is that they invest some emotional energy into their work. bland, soulless 4 on the floor beats and repetitive cookie-cutter synths = no thanks.
replacing MMOs, i've been getting my gaming fix playing DOA2. tempted to get a 360 so i can play DOA4 online :/ gets boring just playing the computer, but i suppose i do still need the practice. then i can enter the World Cyber Games tourny and win 15k :P or get ryan and 1 or 2 others to form a CS team for the 50k :P
BOOM! HEADSHOT!!
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| so.. |
[26 Mar 2006|10:19pm] |
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i guess i'm gonna try going to the pdoc again if i get up early enough tomorrow, if anyone still cares. either that or i'm definately gonna find a way to kill myself. hopfully i don't get put away again. but i guess it doesnt matter since i don't have anyone to really talk to or anything to do anyways
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| why i love dir en grey |
[26 Mar 2006|09:12pm] |
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mood |
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drunk |
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yes, they can easily be called 'shock rock', but they have some of the most emotional and heart felt lyrics/singing i've heard from any band of a 'darker' nature. which is what generally appeals to me :P whether he's singing love songs, suicidal songs, parental abuse, or songs from the perspective of a fetus about to be aborted... his voice is just amazing, and aside from the vulgar album, the music is generally anything but typical. also, i guess alot of his subjects press a button somewhere inside of me, even before conciously understanding the lyrics.
honestly, i wish i had thought of lines like:
"even loved ones scatter like petals from the flowers in my hand...
even if i engraved the meaning that i lived in my hand, the petals will just scatter, like flowers of vanity"
i dunno. even translated from a foreign language, i find it rather beautiful.
kyo has an amazing vocal range and in one song can alter from singing beautifully, to screaming, to wailing, to sounding completely psychotic. i can only dream of singing vocals the way he does. he encompasses all the emotions i strive to express. i think i'm going to work on it.
either way, thought this might help explan why i love a 'shock rock' band so damn much :P
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| squeeeeeeeeee! |
[20 Mar 2006|04:37am] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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yup, a pubic post. why? i dunno. i hardly post here anyways so whatever :P
i'm prepping myself for the dir en grey show in a few days and hoping to dog that i won't be let down. stuff like Clever Sleazoid makes me sad :( but if they play mazohyst of decadence, cage, and kodou, i will be squealing like a rabid fan girl. and hopefully in close proximity to the stage. and kyo will be so taken by my squealing that he'll invite me to their trailer for group sex. *nod*
ok,anyways, yeah.. i'm up far later than i should be. sleep is good. yup. nini.
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| friends only. |
[11 Sep 2005|05:59pm] |
if you really wish to see more inside my head, leave a comment and stuffs.
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